These cravings have happened in the past -- candy, coffee, sex -- but this year, a new and more powerful craving took hold.
For the first time ever, I wanted McDonald's.
I usually only visit McDonald's for their coffees and ice creams. Any want of burgers and fries is directed to A&W.
Not this time. I would sit at the house, trapped by catatonic procrastination, I couldn't work, but I couldn't leave my computer. It got so bad I couldn't even browse the internet to kill time. I just sat there blank staring at the monitor and the whiteness of the word program like bared teeth.
I sat there for hours at a time with one thought, "I want Macdonald's."
In my mind's eye I knew exactly where the closest restaurant was -- Quinpool Road, 24 hour drive thru. Get in the truck and I'd be there in less then four minutes.
I wanted it so bad. But I never went. My friend asked me a few days later.
"Did you ever think about going, just to rid yourself of those cravings?"
It hadn't occurred to me. I hadn't for a second thought about what might change after eating some McDonald's. My mind only went as far as the wanting. Perhaps I was subconsciously worried the cravings wouldn't stop, or that I would be disappointed in the food.
I ended up finishing the semester without going to McDonald's.
But this isn't a story about overcoming cravings. (It's not much of a story at all, really.)
What was bizarre was the strength of the desire. How this incredibly precise map of the closest McDonald's appeared in my mind. How the last time I had a burger at there was two years ago, but I could remember the taste -- the gluey texture of the cheese, the salty pickle, the thin strip of bad meat. How no matter what I ate during those miserable final weeks of school, I never felt truly full. Only like I'd avoided starvation.
I did eventually get to McDonald's, but only after school ended. It was on Good Friday, it was pissing rain and it was night time. The grocery stores were closed, there was no food in the house.
I bought two Junior Chicken sandwiches and an ice cream cone. It was alright. It filled me up and it didn't make me sick. I woke up more thirsty than usual the next morning, but haven't thought about it since. Next time I'll probably just meet the cravings head on.