SO......
Aaron Williams,
Titles matter. A good title points to a clear and logical thesis. Your title implies that Aristotle mentored JC (Julius Caesar). Clearly, this is not true historically. So I can only assume that you meant JC the text and not JC the man. But then it would be Aristotle mentoring Shakespeare. But then “mentoring” is the wrong word. Perhaps influence is the word you want. But, if your title is really about influence, then you are begging questions about the nature of influence, and how influence can be proven. I am dwelling on this because the problem I am addressing in your thesis is the same problem, really, you have in your paper.
Influencing, mentoring, prove it ....got it.
You say that, “several of the main characters can be seen as images of issues.” I was unsure what characters you were referring to. It is not all of them, but which ones? What makes a character a main character? Are some characters excluded from this group, as your wording implies? Why the hedging of, “can be seen”? Can they be seen or can’t they? How can a character be an image?
Yes, Yes! I’m really in his head now!
You will note that I am reading this at some level of detail.
Roger that.
This is the kind of critical eye you need to address your own work with. You make ambiguous statements like the one you made in the thesis throughout the paper (I have marked most of them as unclear). I think that if you can avoid this kind of ambiguity, you will find that your mark really improves.
Uh oh, I think he’s on to me, what he’s saying is, “if you cared, you would find that your mark really improves.”
Every marker has his pet peeves. Mine is MLA citation.
Mine’s the sun!
The rules for citing Shakespeare are not that hard and can be looked up. Please do so for the next essay. It may seem like a small thing, but part of what you are trying to do is convince the reader that you are a credible argument maker. In terms of your overall argument, you had the same problem most of the class did. You try to deal with all of the play, and in doing so you never actually narrowed your thesis and topic down. Shakespeare scholarship tends to be focused, and it tends to privilege tight thesis statements and clear methodologies.
Jesus Christ.
In academic writing, this is often called the funneling move.
Tight funneling in Shakespeare scholarship, check.
I would encourage, you to really try to narrow down your overall argument for your next paper if you want to get a higher mark.
Only if it means we can be buddies.
Lastly, I would strongly encourage you to “unpack” your quotations. This is not an injunction to paraphrase. Rather, it is a call for you to make Shakespeare’s language the heart of your work.
On second thought, I don’t know if we’re such a great match.
If you read Shakespeare’s language closely, you will find that your points become far more convincing than they are when you simply gloss the plot of the story.
Guilty as charged, T.A.
That grading sheet is the my best memento of school. I have a hard copy of it and I feel like it’s a photo of Bigfoot or something - proof that these people are real. I’m sure he’s still out there, this T.A. - funneling, tightening, breaking into a light sweat every time he climbs stairs, licking his chops at a new batch of essays.