The East
Chicago - Luol Deng has the second most satisfying name in all of pro sports (the number one spot goes to the Oakland A’s Coco Crisp). Chicago is looking good this year as well, though I would say they are still one clutch scorer away from the title.
Charlotte - Really bad team. What is going on in Charlotte? For the record, I hear it’s a great place to live, but isn’t Michael Jordan's presence enough to make you competitive enough to win some games? I know nothing about this team, they seem like the American Raptors.
Atlanta - Also a team I know little about. People seem to hate Joe Johnson, they also have some other guys that dunk and score points.
Milwaukee - I want to fear the deer but they’re not all that fearful these days. There’s something about basketball teams from the midwest, I love them, I should have lived there from age 9-12.
Detroit - A small surge as of late had me almost interested enough to find out more about what these guys are about.....I’ll just wait ‘til they start pushing .500
Cleveland - Kyrie Irving, what a beauty, and he’s already developing some 4th quarter prowess. Also that big guy with the big hair and possibly a silent “j” in his name is playing really well. Looks like Cleveland will avoid developing a losing culture on its club after all.
Washington - My girlfriend likes their uniforms, I sort of agree, but only for their clowny qualities. And what a bunch of clowns they are. A sports writer in Washington refuses to call them the Wizards because their name is so horrible.
New Jersey - This team wins my, “Inexpicably At The Bottom of the Pile” award. Something weird is going on in Jersey, it’s like they’re waiting on a big trade and a new stadium in a new state or something. But in the meantime somebody is telling them they must keep playing basketball until they get things sorted.
Indiana - I love this team, faceless teams are the best. I love looking at a stats sheet and seeing 5 or 6 guys in double digits, I love that Danny Granger is building a bat cave somewhere in the mountains of New Mexico, I love the idea of basketball in Indiana, it’s the most romantic thing.
Orlando - speaking of bat caves, is Orlando coach Stan Van Gundy the penguin? I listened to an audio clip of him coaching one time, it was very entertaining, I think he had a yelling phase of his career and this audio clip made it sound like he had just come out of yelling rehab. I want to hook Dwight Howard up to a christianity-o-meter, however I think that only scientology has those. These guys are alright.
Boston - I want to love this team, but there’s not much to love, not achieving much. Nothin’ doin’.
New York - I’ve been wanting to say this forever - I saw Jeremy Lin play before he was famous. If sports were like rock bands this would be like saying I saw Led Zeppelin when they were still The New Yardbirds in 1968. Or maybe it's nothing like that.
Toronto - Some things about Toronto:
1 - I love Dwayne Casey
2 - Jose Calderon plays like a guy that’s just been called up from the minors, not always in a good way
3 - In 2013-2014 they will make the playoffs again.
4 - DeRozan is constantly three smart plays per game away from being an all star.
Philadelphia - Kind of a nice sounding name right? Phil-a-del-ph-ia, sounds like a fat lady. Pretty good team too, though I know little about them. They have that guy Igoudala; there was a dinosaur called the Iguanadon right? I want to call Igoudala “The Iguanadon.”
West
Minnesota - This team contains a number of things I like - an animal that I respect, a region that I respect, handsome spaniards, white big-men with beards, and a sense of hope on a small market team.
New Orleans - Poor New Orleans, they lost Chris Paul and the most memorable part of their season is destined to be that 80s night home game when Will Ferrell announced the starting line-ups. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gsBFIP8dXXU
Sacramento - The ultimate small market team. I’ve been through Sacramento a couple times. It’s about the size of Prince George, and less lively. I’m not sure if anyone lives there or if the whole franchise is based on some kind of Truman Show constructed reality. With that said, I like this team, a great underdog team whose darkest days might just be visible in the rear view mirror.
Oklahoma City - AKA the Zombie Sonics. Kevin Durant is a ruthless nerd and Russell Westbrook is just plain ruthless. A great team, this bunch should win a title. Different from other small market teams because of its lack of historic suffering.
Portland - The king of basketball writers, Bill Simmons, refers to this town and this team as the Portland Soccer Moms. I also hear snarky people say that all Portland hipsters secretly wish the teal would leave town so they could stop pretending they like sports. Another team I know little about.
Utah - Struggling as of late, I’ve watched one of their games and that guy Millsap was impressive. They have bad jerseys.
San Antonio - In BC your vehicle has to be 25 years old in order to apply for a Classic Car license plate. This is an odd age, some 25 years old cars can still be practical. The Spurs are similar to this Classic Car issue - they are still practical, but just barely.
Kobe Bryant...I mean, L.A. Lakers - The decline of the Lakers hasn’t been as much of a delight as I hoped it would be. The Lakers are the second most televised team in Canada and I’m developing a soft spot for Kobe and his unreal work ethic. Could still go deep in the playoffs.
Houston Rockets - Luis Scola’s hair is all I see when I see the Houston Rockets, hair-wise he’s the Steven Stamkos of basketball.
Memphis - Down Zach Randolph and still bruising their way through the season and hanging on to a playoff spot. It’s hard not to like the team that leads the league in steals.
Denver - My favourite play of the year was this Rudy Fernandez buzzer beater tip-in.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VZbL1B5U2I4
Golden State - A couple of fiery young scorers and a whole lotta not much else. These guys have to be near the bottom of the league in terms of defense. The poor man’s 2006 Phoenix Suns. There is a future in Golden State though.
L.A. Clippers - Blake Griffin’s foul shooting is worrisome, as was Chauncey “I too have a great name” Billups‘ injury. But there’s not too many faults with this team, Chris Paul is fierce and amazing.
Dallas - Who cares what they’re up to, they saved us all from the Heat when we needed it most. Those guys should have cancelled their season and just hung out at a caribbean resort.
Phoenix - The healthiest team in the league, these guys eat like high performance solo athletes. Nash still makes everyone around him better, even though he is looking pretty gaunt these days. Is it just me or do Nash and Cameron Diaz have identical aging habits?